leVERSUS

Post No 5: A Parallel Pimping

2007-02-11T13:35:51Z

Onward more, more, more pimping, this time off LH's post "A Parallel Life" to make my post No 5 ... in return i offer my post as a free advertisement for LH's post (i'm sure she'll experience an exponential increase in readership as a result) ...

So you see, 5-Toed Sloth is actually quite a fast-adapting blog species despite the apparently sleepy tree lifestyle (if it qualifies as a 'lifestyle') and current daily weight of logging an English research thesis constantly occupying his mind (that is if you don't mind accepting a sloth's definition of 'mind'). He is finding a 'pimping' way to post by 'living off' some of the older blog trees ...

I find interestingly 'creepy' LH's conversational account between herself and KS (a Sydneysider spoken word poet rather off her rocker, so to speak). A few responses and observations:

1. There is obviously a confusion between two different kinds of Institution when KS insisted she had seen LH before. That may not be a totally crazy perception. The middle of any university semester can often approach the condition of bedlam.

2. KS's reminds me of Peter Carey's novel Bliss, where protagonist Harry Joy discovers that someone in a psych ward is trying to 'become' him, all manner of appearance and thought.

3. Argh ... or else the belief of a parallel universe of three look-alikes for every person ...

The Art Of Pimping Is Alive, Well & I Feel Great Doing It Too In More Ways Than One ...

2007-02-11T11:48:05Z

OH YES, THE OLDEST PROFESSION OF THE WORLD, or rather the PR/Marketing Arm Of The Oldest Profession Of The World, simply put, warts and all, Pimping, is indeed a Great Tradition so Alive and Well morphing into cyberspace, I thought to myself after reading LH's blog post 'Milestones'.

What a good old versatile, crooked and wicked word ever twisting and turning in circulation, yes, Three Cheers To 'Pimping'!

As my dear conference-cum-blog pal LH tells us, 'Big Ben' pimped her to the whole LiveJournal experience once upon a time, well i should reckon back when Anna Nicole Smith was still 'pimping' off a certain wobbly octogenarian (oops, sorry, shall do a 'uey' here, i won't o.d. on that side of the road) ... and then LH pimped at least 5 other people to this wonderful blog community, including ahem, ahem, myself 5-Toed Sloth of recent times.

And really i'm fully aware this blog posting of mine is another manner of 'pimping' -which only goes to show the tradition is so alive, kicking and well - a sort of reply 'living off' LH's post 'Milestone' in the form of my new posting No 4, mind you, coming after a long, slothy, business-as-usual break since, JAN 12TH. I'm glad to say that's a relief from having to face another fear of cyber-castration by LH if i further delay making my posting ... or it may even be a physical one cos she's even threatening a BlogQueen royal visit to Perth sometime this year to check on my empirical progress

As i've told LH before, teehee, this isn't called the classic 5-Toed Sloth Blog for nothing. Nature's Web Study has shown the average compositional time on it is one posting per month, or less. In which case, i'm declaring this new post No 4 to be something of a mini-milestone as well (haha) side by side Big Ben's incredible Blog 2000th and LH's up-and-coming 300th! On reaching my respectable Blog 12th in a year's time i'm ready to throw a celebration party. It's that great!

A NEW BLOGBUSTER STARRING L 'MULDER' (SHE?) & K 'SCULLY' (HE/ME?): The XY Chromosomes File Movie

2007-01-12T12:46:45Z

Now curiouser and curiouser it gets as blogmate L (well she's actually the BlogQueen travelling incognito) in her genderbending post decides to role-play herself as Mulder and cast me as man Scully!

Mulder! Mulder! Mulder! (practising the high shrill Scully voice really hard) What to do it's Her Majesty's wish i've got to obey in the making of this New Blogbuster tentatively called The XY Chromosomes File Movie ...

POEM 3: A Soliloquy a la Hamlet, K 'Scully' Me On The XY Chromosomes File Movie

OK we'll leave Her Majesty's accountants to do the tax file
Alright we'll leave Double 07 to update his sex file
Now you're she Mulder & i'm he Scully in this weird weird XY Chromosome File movie!
I'm quite comfortable with my sex change to Scully
Yes i am believe me really
But it's the G Anderson corset that worries me
she's at least a superduper double cup size C
How am i going to fit exactly?
Will have to put on heaps more kgs
Will have to seriously upsize my trans fat intake at KFC
Where all else fails to be
Will have to consider drastic plastic boobs surgery
Just to be K 'Scully' Me!
To be or not to be K 'Scully' Me
That's the question
To be or not to be K 'Scully' Me
Screaming 'Mulder! Mulder! Mulder!' in high thrill desperation
To be or not to be to be or not to be
To be or not to be to be or not to be
To be or not to be in this weird weird XY Chromosomes File movie ...

Meanwhile all around the globe there has been a certain mysterious Mr M circulating pamphlets and flooding spam mails on the Net petitioning for a total ban of smoke-free pubs and clubs ... Mulder! Mulder! Mulder! I know it can't be you who only likes DVDs, smoked anchovies and lapsangsouchong tea ... I suspect The Marlboro Man's at it again ... Mulder! Mulder! Mulder!

CYBERPOEM NO. 2 PRODUCED ON A HIGH SPAM COUNT: SIZE DOES MATTER

2007-01-03T02:02:59Z

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Just when you thought it was safe for your fragile-and-precious-as-Swarovski male ego to e-go to the e-mailbox ...

5-toed sloth crawling his slow way back by unpopular self-demand after the long festive break ass annoyed ass an ass and as insulted as Tom, Dick and Harry to be told by a flood of spams: "Why Be An Average Guy Any Longer?" followed by a 2007 New Year Special Personal Assistance Scheme of lengthening, enlargement and Viagration plans ... SPAMMED! Oh i very much prefer to be PIMPED by L for a dozen hundred times ... but still you can't help marvelling how these enterprising spammers know your every Mr Average inch while they remain total strangers ... then again you don't need to be a spamming rocket scientist to arrive at the living probability that a legend like John Holmes comes only once in a blue moon although he came rather a lot more often on the set of a few thousand blue movies that he had made (it in) ... for the rest it's probably an obvious piece of primary blue elementary school maths to work out sum of us who might want to have a bit more spammy meat there in the right porky place ...

Oh dear am i getting a bit graphic here ...

CyberPoem No. 2 Produced On A High Spam Count: Size Does Matter

spams count
on a high spam count
we're giving you news that really matters
size does count
size matters
we're a new breed of revolutionaries
we'll change your miserable HIStories forever
we'll upgrade you to extra large, sir
as fast as meals at McDonald's come
we'll stretch you through like miracle rubber
as long as John Holmes number one
Viagration is a hard plan made softer
do check out our ridiculous discount offer
so why be Mr Average or any shorter
when you can be longer, even bigger, yet stronger?

An Intro To The Species

2006-12-18T23:48:14Z

what species is this new entry?
a poetrix of poetic tricks
a rhymer a meter measurer a free versifier
a TIME Magazine Person Of The Year
2006
VVVIP like you you you you you you you you
more or less a cybersapien
more or less a legal alien
not without now a bit of virtual property
a compulsive pseudonymorphist
from Special K
(there's also Speshal K, who's not me anyway)
to Specious K
(liar-vo-yant, ouch of the day!)
to KKK
(no, it's not the KKK
merely three Ks coming together
in a little jostling game of poker)
since evolving to a specieskpoetrix
here's saying hi! to any other combinatrix
confirming i'm humantyping kind, once again, specieskpoetrix